The Final Farewell: How to Handle a Pet’s Remains continued

It’s the Spirit, Not the Body

While some pet owners feel very strongly about the need to provide a proper resting place for a pet’s body, others feel that the body is merely the receptacle for the pet’s spirit. When that spirit is gone, many view the body as simply an abandoned shell, with little meaning of its own. Such owners are generally more concerned with preserving the memory of a pet and honouring its spirit and its life, than with fussing over its remains. Some even feel that there’s something a bit gruesome about keeping the physical remains of a pet (such as its ashes) around after the pet has “gone.” Many also believe that the expense of having a pet formally cremated, or interred in a pet cemetery, would be put to better use providing for the needs of a living pet.

If this describes you, then the question of convenience may play a central role in your decision. If your pet dies or is euthanized at a veterinarian’s office, you may prefer to simply allow the vet to dispose of its remains. If your pet dies at home, you may wish to bury it at home not so much out of sentiment, but because it may be simpler than finding someone else to handle disposal. (Most vets will charge for the disposal of a pet that dies in the vet’s office, but will charge more if the pet has died elsewhere.)

If you do not have a location in which to bury a pet, but do not wish to pay any disposal fees, one option is to take your pet to your local humane society. Most humane societies are set up to receive and dispose of animal remains, and most do not charge. Some even have “drop off” bins—though most pet owners regard this as being a bit too much like dumping a pet into the trash.

A Family Decision

Before you make any decision about how to dispose of a pet, make sure that you have considered the feelings and beliefs (and needs) of all family members. You may find that while one family member feels that a pet’s body means little after the spirit has gone, another may feel strongly about the need to provide a formal “farewell” in the form of a burial. Conversely, you may find that while some members of the family want a formal burial service, others shudder at the thought of having a grave or “dead body” in the yard. 

It is important to realize that there is no right or wrong viewpoint in such a discussion. One’s feelings about death, and about the remains of the dead, are intensely personal—and in a family discussion about how to handle those remains, everyone’s feelings should be respected. This is why it is so important to raise this issue and resolve it before a pet dies. Otherwise, chances are that one family member (i.e., whoever is present when a pet dies or is euthanized) will have to make a rushed, emotional decision that may not be the decision the rest of the family would have chosen.

It’s not easy to talk about a pet’s death, or use terms like “remains” and “disposal”, while that pet is still alive and very much a part of the family. But avoiding the subject isn’t going to prevent the problem from coming up. It’s simply going to prevent you from being in a position to handle it effectively when it does come up.

It has been said that “funerals are for the living.” When a pet dies, you’re faced with the need to make a decision that can have a profound impact on how you, and your family, deal with that loss. Don’t leave that decision until the last minute.

Author’s Note: Since this article was posted, several readers have reminded me to mention that if you choose to leave your pet’s body with a veterinarian or humane society for disposal, you may not have a choice in how that body is disposed of. If you wish to ensure that your pet is, in fact, cremated, be sure to request this option.

The Pet Loss Support Page    www.pet-loss.net     Copyright © 2002 by Moira Allen